Very early in my command tour, I learned a very important lesson on the power of relationship building. A vitally important relationship with one of my key staff members was transformed from one that was adversarial to trusting. What caused this dramatic change? We took time to get to know one another and, as a result, ended up trusting one another.
During my first week in command of Naval Hospital Bremerton, WA I was suddenly confronted with my first crucible moment. Our Intensive Care Unit (ICU) nurses – civilian nurses under contract – were threatening to go on strike. These nurses believed they were underpaid. After researching salaries for ICU nurses in the Bremerton area, we discovered that they were indeed paid slightly less. After deliberating with my Board of Directors, I decided to give them a raise and the strike was averted.
More importantly, the next day I had my secretary make an appointment to have the union head, Charles, meet with me in my office. I knew that I needed to quickly build a relationship and trust with this key stakeholder. What’s the fastest way to build trust? Slow down and spend time getting to know one another.
The following week Charles came to my office for our meeting. I recall him shaking my hand with an extra firm grip, his right arm moving back and forth in an exaggerated manner – I suspected he was sizing me up. Truthfully, I guess I was doing the same. We awkwardly exchanged pleasantries but the air was filled with suspicion and tension. It was palpable. I thanked him for coming and then stated in simple terms the reason for the meeting – I simply wanted to get to know him. His head shot back and he looked at me with a perplexed look. After a few clumsy seconds he said, “OK, sounds good.”
Slow down and proactively take time getting to know your people. Whether over a coffee or over a computer screen via zoom, it’s the best way to build a foundation of trust.
Over the next hour our discussion touched on a wide variety of topics – where we grew up, high school years, hobbies, among a host of others. One topic that monopolized the conversation was talk of our families. We shared a deep love and commitment to our families. Notably, neither of us made reference to the elephant in the room – the averted strike.
Initially, though, our words were guarded and we remained in a defensive mode – we were still sizing each other up. However, as we continued to exchange stories and the minutes ticked by, without either of us realizing it, our relationship began a slight change. Like snow melting in the warming spring sun, our defensive posture began to thaw – we became a bit less uncomfortable with one another. We were still guarded, but our relationship had undergone a change. With a couple minutes left in our meeting, and still with no mention of the averted strike, I told Charles that I’d like to meet with him again. He quickly agreed.
As he was approaching the door to leave my office, our eyes locked. I felt it was time to address the elephant in the room. I looked at Charles and said, “I gave the raise to the nurses because their pay was less than others in the area. It was a reasonable request. I’ll always consider reasonable requests.”
Charles slowly nodded in agreement. As we shook hands, I continued, “Charles, our country’s at war. You know as well as I do, we have a lot of Sailors assigned to this command who are deployed.[1] We have an important mission to accomplish here. I need your help.” He again nodded his head in agreement, said nothing, and left my office. While I can’t speak to how Charles viewed that first meeting, I felt assured that we could work together.
After that initial meeting, each month Charles and I had similar meetings in my office. Like something out of a Godfather movie, we’d spend the first fifty-five minutes talking about our families. Only at the end of the meeting – with a couple minutes left – we’d talk business. Over the ensuing months, with every meeting, our mutual respect, friendship, and trust grew.
Despite a rocky start when the ICU nurses threatened to strike during my first week in command, Naval Hospital Bremerton did not have another labor dispute during my ensuing three years in command. Not only did we avoid any additional labor disputes, Charles and I worked closely on a number of difficult and challenging issues. Our respect and trust continued to grow. All issues were resolved quietly and quickly. I helped him and he helped me.
What was the key to this success story? We spent time getting to know one another. What was required on my part? Time (an hour a month) and the discipline to listen. The overall experience proved to me that the small investment of time – and the all-important ability to listen – required in getting to know your people produces inordinate returns.
Be a great leader – slow down and proactively take time getting to know your people. Whether over a coffee or over a computer screen via zoom, it’s the best way to build a foundation of trust.
[1] At that time, Naval Hospital Bremerton had 16% of their active duty staff members deployed, mostly to either Afghanistan or Iraq. Many positions remained unfilled for the duration of the member’s deployment, some of which were up to up to 15 months in duration.